hello, almost April.
hello, quarantine. hello, uncertain world and anxious people.
there has been so much...so many difficult things, so much valley and yet He is faithful, He is trustworthy, He is praiseworthy, steady. Though at times He seems wavering and inconsistent, yet that is me who is fickle, me who is unsteady. His love is so steadfast. Its me the doubtful one, its HIM the constant One.
I was hoping 2020 would be the part of the Gomez journey where we would begin to feel 'settled', stable, to be able to sink our feet in, to regroup, to reconnect ourselves, to heal maybe from the last several huge transitions we have faced....man, was I hoping 2020 was the year where dreams would begin to be released, where things that have been planted years ago would begin to find their way to fruition...and yet the story He is writing looks a little different than what I had hoped.
to most reading this, your world has been flipped upside down in the last days and weeks as the things you have held as your 'securities" or your stability have somehow come to a place of unknown, a pause, or even an end. there is fear, anger, anxiety, restlessness.....there is pain, loss, sorrow and grief.
those feelings for me started before the COVID-19 pandemic. they rocked our world right before Christmas when a diagnosis I couldn't have foreseen began to reshape what 2020, well really, what our future looked like. as difficult as it is to still say CANCER, to write the word cancer, to speak the word cancer with my name attached to it, my desire is to open this blog again to be able to invite people into our journey and invite people to walk with us, to pray for us. in the coming days and weeks, Ill give more details: how I discovered I had cancer, how I think I've experienced every emotion in this process, but ultimately may my writings, although they will be honest and vulnerable, may they bring the only truth we hang on to in these days, the only HOPE we cling to, Jesus.....our anchor, foundation, and the true giver of life.
I got a little jump start on much of the world as far as getting a perspective shift. a forced reason to come to that realization that we aren't owed anything, that our very next breath is not hinged on us, we don't control it, nor can we manipulate it. and that, that awareness is both terrifying and freeing. so we wrestle, we agonize between surrender and control.
On December 17, as I sat in my gown awaiting the ultra sound procedure, it was His gentle whisper that began my shift towards that surrender again, that open-handed living, that place where we let go of the reigns, or the illusion that we had the reigns to begin with. coming to grips with our mortality. I was begging Him to hear good news and yet content to be in His plan, His perfect plan and I knew, deep down, I knew. "you are going to have to trust me, Sarah," He whispered. "leave your gown on Sarah," the tech said, the doctor will need to see you right away....."
and so around Christmas I began to share with some close friends that I wanted to pen the hashtag #watchGodworkin2020. what is He up to? what miracle is He producing, what provision is He placing in front of us, what can I trust Him with in 2020?
watch God work in 2020
watch God be powerful in 2020
watch God do the impossible in 2020
watch God be steadfast in 2020
watch God be trustworthy in 2020
and that is so much greater than my feeling of being 'stable' as I stand back and let Him be God, as I watch His timing and not my own, as I watch His plan unfold and not my own, as we stand back and we surernder our will to His, letting go of the false sense of control that we thought we had.
will you join me? will you.........